Bingo Bust

I’ve only played bingo once before in my life. We were on a family cruise when I was younger and we went to one of the bingo sessions on the ship. Everyone got one of these little cards that you would punch out the number after it was called. I remember the bingo caller would say funny things when calling the numbers – one I will never forget is when they would call B11, they would say “B11, sexy legs 11, shave them or braid them!”

And I also remember that I had won that bingo game, $100 to be exact.

Ahhhh yes…those were the days when bingo was fun and innocent. Now it is a cutthroat sport full of secrets and lies.

Allow me to explain.

My brother-in-law Kyle texted me on Wednesday and was all like, “Hey, we are headed to bingo tomorrow, did you want to come?” and of course I was all like, “Absolutely! This sounds like fun, I’ll be there!”

So I head to bingo with Kyle, his girlfriend Sara, and my mother-in-law. Now keep this in mind, they all have played bingo before. I haven’t. I was the odd man out. We stood in line, bought our boards, and I thought all was well.

Boy was I wrong. Please take a look at this picture…try not to let it give you a panic attack. These blue ones facing me were all my boards:


I’ll let you in on a little secret…I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING. And to make matters worse, NONE OF THE PEOPLE I WAS WITH TOLD ME WHAT TO DO. They didn’t butt in and say, “Hey Lindsay, you might not want to buy all of those boards because you will have an aneurism.” None of the people selling me the boards said, “Woah there cheetah, slow down, are you crazy?” They sold me these boards with a smile on their face…LIES I TELL YOU, ALL LIES.

But lucky for me, Kyle, for some odd reason, followed suit and bought just as many as I did. We both looked insane.

And did you know that you actually have to come to bingo with supplies? Sara was armed with the bingo dabbers and tape, to tape our boards together so it was easier to handle. People around us had food and drinks like it was a picnic. Well, that’s because bingo lasts for 3 hours. They have an intermission. I was waiting for the Sabres zamboni to come out and sweep away our discarded crumpled bingo boards.

And did you also know that they make BINGO BAGS?!? Observe:

bingo bag


I’m pretty sure that I was getting the side-eye from every old lady with a bingo bag and a shamrock headband and troll doll in tow.

I tweeted this picture before it started…needless to say I was nervous and doubting my self-worth.

Bingo 1

Guys, when they started calling numbers, I seriously could not keep up. I was literally two seconds away from standing up and dropping my bingo dabber all Kanye-style and yelling, “Yo bingo lady, Imma let you finish, but let me just say that the Carnival cruise of 1996 was the best bingo of all time!” and walking out of those church doors. But neither Jesus nor Kanye likes a quitter, right?

So I abandoned ship on 6 of those hell-beasts after the first round, and then I actually started to have fun. Keeping track of 15 boards is much easier than keeping track of 21 boards, and even that was pushing my limit.

I am pleasantly surprised and delighted to say that we did not get kicked out, even after I kept saying “Sexy legs 11, shave them or braid them!” when they would call B11.

We didn’t win a damn thing, but we did have a lot of fun. And I think next time I go to bingo I will be armed with my own bingo bag, shamrock headband, and troll doll.

One quick question, if you yell “I got it!” instead of ‘Bingo!”, can they refuse you your winnings?

For you Buffalo bingo-enthusiasts out there, there is actually a website that shows you all of the bingo games happening locally.


Bingo Planner


9 thoughts on “Bingo Bust

  1. I totally remember giving my Mémère good luck charms when I was little! McDonald’s toys, hair ties, those little bouncy balls, etc.!

    I also have memories (that I’ve tried to forget) about dying streaks in my hair with bingo markers. Oh 1995.

  2. Oh wow, that brings back memories. My aunt is a huge Bingo fan and I went with her several times when I was in my early-to-mid 20s. We always played with multiple boards, but I never had that many! Definitely a lot to keep up with. It IS fun, though. And no, I never won anything. 🙂

      1. What you played was nothing compared to what I play. I play 15 9 ons which is 135 boards…and yes all paper. Used to play 20 9 ons 180 boards. Whole table covered and a stack in my hand. A few others play that too. It took a lot of practice but easy to do now that I got the hang of it. You just mark certain numbers and then fill in the rest later. Like to say the X game you just mark your corners and then fill in the rest by looking at the called numbers board…if you don’t have the four corners you have don’t have the X so why bother looking at the I’s and G’s? T game, you just mark your N’s…if you don’t have all 4 N’s you don’t have anything anyway so why bother with the rest of the numbers? Double bingo…you usually need one corner so I mark my corners unless 5 to a column are called then I look down the column for the 5 that are called…if I don’t have any corners or 5 to a column I just ignore that card. Single line bingo, just mark your B’s and O’s and when you have those 2 together, fill in the rest unless 4 to a column are called then look down that column to see if you need 1 number. The coverall…just mark your B’s and O’s…then fill in the rest. If you don’t have your B’s and O’s you don’t have a coverall so why bother with the I’s N’s and G’s? There are more games I didn’t mention, but you get the idea. BTW I saw your forum when google imaging and thought I would reply. LOL

  3. OHMYBOB, lol! I had no idea about the Bingo bags! That’s insanely funny! But, yes, be careful of those bingo ladies-I promise they carry shanks in those bingo bags

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s